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Thursday, December 01 2011 00:00

AUSTRIAN DEATH MACHINE - JINGLE ALL THE WAY (EP Review)

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adm jatwAh the holidays... the perfect time to gather with friends and family to curl up on the couch for a viewing of the perennial Christmas classic, JINGLE ALL THE WAY. As Black Friday proved again this year, few things represent Christmas in America as well as chasing through crowds of shoppers to kick some ass in the name of a good deal and a bad-ass toy. Just like Turbo Man.

When AS I LAY DYING frontman Tim Lambesis first partnered with Ahhnold for 2008's A VERY BRUTAL CHRISTMAS, he stated that he couldn't come up with a song that would ''bring justice'' to the ''masterpiece JINGLE ALL THE WAY.''  Three years later, AUSTRIAN DEATH MACHINE is back with a new EP that not only borrows the title of the film, but brings justice to it three-fold.

I'm Not A Pervert! is a thunderous telling of the scene in which Howard Langston (Schwarzenegger) finds himself facing off against a child over a numbered ball used for a toy store "lottery" in hopes of scoring the elusive Turbo Man doll. 

It's Turbo Time! salutes the mighty Turbo Man by using his signature phrase as a call to arms for listeners and children alike. There's a hardcore breakdown around the 1:10 mark that will send the elves into a solid bounce just before a scolding from Ahhnold forces a frenzied guitar solo that should easily help ignite the circle pits.

Who Told You You Could Eat My Cookies? re-appears from 2009's DOUBLE BRUTAL to close out the set with an ode to the smackdown issued to the late Phil Hartman as Ted Maltin - a sly neighbor with the hots for Arnie's on-screen wife (played by Rita Wilson) and a taste for her delicious baked goods.

If AUSTRIAN DEATH MACHINE isn't your bag, chances are you're a girly man. If not and you still don't dig 'em? Well, then Santa's gonna drop a big load of reindeer shit in your stocking. JINGLE ALL THE WAY rules.

Rating: 4/5 Stars

James Zahn

James Zahn is best-known as The Rock Father™, a media personality, commentator, adventurer and raconteur. He is the Owner, Publisher, and Editor-in-Chief of THE ROCK FATHER™ Magazine. In January, 2019, after nearly a decade of publishing The Rock Father™ Magazine, he joined Adventure Media and Events as Senior Editor of The Toy Book—the leading trade publication for the toy industry since 1984, as well as The Pop Insider — a destination for all things pop culture, and The Toy Insider — the leading consumer guide for toys and games. He is also editor of The Toy Report, a weekly newsletter published by The Toy Book each Thursday. Zahn has over 27 years of experience in the entertainment, retail and publishing industries.

He regularly serves as a Brand Ambassador and spokesperson for several Globally-recognized pop culture and lifestyle brands in addition to consulting for a number of toy manufacturers. 

Creatively, James has directed/edited music videos, lyric videos, and album trailers for bands such as FEAR FACTORY, has appeared as an actor in feature films and commercials, written comic books, and performed in bands. He currently serves as an artist manager and video director for PRODUCT OF HATE, whose debut album was released by Napalm Records in 2016, distributed by ADA/Warner Music in the U.S. with Universal Music handling global. A new album has been completed and is set for release this year.

Zahn and/or his work have been featured in/on CNN, NBC, ABC, WGN, CBS, GCTN, G4, The Chicago Tribune, Forbes, MarketWatch, Reuters, BusinessWire, Fangoria, Starlog and more. He's appeared as a music expert on CNN's AC360 alongside Anderson Cooper, and has been interviewed by Larry King. In the past he served as a writer for the Netflix Stream Team,  Fandango Family and PBS KIDS, penned articles for Sprout and PopSugar, and was a contributor to Chicago Parent.

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