Monday, July 22 2013 22:23

Royal Baby? My Daddy is a Funny Asshole...

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In the interest of web traffic and luring new visitors to The Rock Father (Oh, Hi There!), I'm jumping on the Royal Baby Bandwagon. No, I have no vested interest no interest at all in the end result of Kate Middleton's shagging of Prince William (though I sincerely hope that the Austin Powers "Soul Bossa Nova" was playing when it occurred). As a fellow parent, I congratulate them on the birth of their son, but reality is - to me they're no different than any other set of strangers I might run across while out shopping with the kids. I don't know them, and they don't know me. It's fun for some to engage in "Royal watching," but that's not my bag. Never understood the fascination. But that's really not what this entry is all about. It's about me. And it's about my offspring - the end result of my shagging activities with the Dutchess of Frankfort back in 2008.

Earlier today, as my mother-in-law was winding down her visit here at Rock Father HQ, a conversation regarding the Royal Birth was taking place in my kitchen. It's a prime example of how little ears - tiny, almost-four-year-old ears - can pick up on anything, and spit it right back out in unexpected clarity. And it started when I tossed my voice into the discussion...

Mother-in-Law: I heard that Kate has the same Doctor as Princess Diana.

Me: Is it in poor taste for me to state that I hope they don't also have the same driver? [Note: I'm aware that he's dead.]

Mother-in-Law: (Chuckling) Yes, it's in poor taste.

Me: Too soon? 16 years later, still too soon?

Mother-in-Law: Yes, still too soon.

Wife: He's such an asshole.

Mother-in-Law: But he's a funny one.

Daughter (with a massive smile on her face and practically yelling): MY DADDY IS A FUNNY ASSHOLE!

Laughter erupts throughout all.

Me: Don't ever say that again, sweetie.

So while the Royal Baby gets fed formula from a gold-rimmed bottle minted from the ivory of an Elephant's tusk, here in Illinois something else cool happened. My friend, John (a fellow at-home Dad that was featured in Lake County Magazine last month) and his wife welcomed their second son this morning. So big congratulations to them! I can guarantee that their little boy will be raised strong in The Force, and be well-versed in the workings of Eternia, Radiator Springs, Ghost Busting, and rock.

How was your day?

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James Zahn

About James: A work-from-home Dad with a pair of daughters (Released in 2009 and 2012) - James Zahn is THE ROCK FATHER™. 

Bringing over two decades of experience in the entertainment industry into the family realm, Zahn is an Illinois-based Entertainment Writer, Media Personality, Commentator, Adventurer and Raconteur. 

He is a member of The Toy Insider Parent Advisory Board, a writer for the Netflix #StreamTeam, and serves as a Brand Ambassador and spokesperson for several Globally-recognized pop culture and lifestyle brands in addition to consulting for a number of toy manufacturers.

Creatively, James has directed/edited music videos, lyric videos, and album trailers for bands such as FEAR FACTORY, has appeared as an actor in feature films and commercials, written comic books, and performed in bands. He currently serves as an artist manager and video director for Napalm Records' PRODUCT OF HATE.

James and/or his work have been featured in/on CNN, NBC, G4, The Chicago Tribune, Blogcritics, Fangoria, Starlog, The River Cities' Reader. Slowfish, Oil, and more. He's appeared as a music expert on CNN's AC360, has been quoted in BusinessWire, CNN and Babble, in addition to making appearances on ABC News, WGN and more. In the past he served as a writer for  Fandango Family and PBS KIDS, penned articles for Sprout, and was a contributor to Chicago Parent.

Learn more here

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